1. Look at pictures online before going.

You want to adopt a pet from the local shelter and notice their website has pictures and short bios posted for all of the available animals. You might feel you should resist the urge to look, but don’t. If you stay strong, you’ll risk sticking to your plan to adopt only one cat and will miss out on falling in love with the pair of kittens that have to stay together. After looking at the pictures, use logic, telling yourself they’ll be less trouble if they have each other to play with. (This will probably turn out to be a lie.)

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2. Name the tiny adorable animals before you own them.

If you name the animals before you own them, you’ll be extra committed. This will make it impossible to back out when you meet them in person to take them home. Give them a pair of names that go together so you’ll definitely have to get both of them, for example, Bruce and Alfred.

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3. Send other people pictures of the animals

And make sure you send the cutest ones you have because then your friends will tell you that they are perfect and you have to have them. You thought you already knew this but it’s always good to have your positions corroborated. Especially send pictures to friends who have beloved pets of their own and have been instrumental in convincing you to do this in the first place.

4. Order toys and equipment for your pet before you get it.

Go online and purchase a bunch of pet supplies. Read reviews and look at people’s pictures of their pets using the items. Once the things arrive, be sure to take them out of their boxes and place them somewhere you can regularly see them. This will reinforce the idea that you really have to get the kittens soon so the things do not go to waste. Now this has become an economical necessity.IMG_20160124_153850.jpeg

5. Fall in love with the cutest pets at the shelter.

This ensures there will be competition to adopt these animals because everyone else wants the same ones as you. The woman at the shelter may say that due to a large demand she will place the names of prospective owners into a hat and whoever’s name is drawn will get to take the kittens (the ones you’ve already named and committed to emotionally) home. Your heart rate will go up, increasing the amount of calories you can burn by doing nothing. You will feel desperate and anxious to have these small creatures because of all the premature emotion you created by following the previous instructions. This will make having them in the end even more rewarding. (No information yet available on what happens if you are unsuccessful in taking the kittens home.)

6. Go out of the country the weekend after adopting your new kittens.

This helps increase your worry for your new pets and will also let you know which of your friends and neighbors are most reliable and interested in cat sitting for future trips. If you want to raise your heart rate again, run out of kitty litter a few hours before your flight leaves.

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If your kittens are cute enough, you will hopefully decide they were worth all the hassle.

 

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5 thoughts on “How to Adopt a Pet (As Stressfully As Possible)

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